he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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