when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
