You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
