he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
