i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
