He is such a slut. More and more my type.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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