Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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