Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Randomize
