Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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