I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I fill condoms, not promises.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
