actually, I'm a sock model
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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