She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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