im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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