I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
