Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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