Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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