for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Randomize
