after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
