yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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