One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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