i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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