RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
