actually, I'm a sock model
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Randomize
