the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish ðŸ€
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
