my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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