Your tits are I can't wait for
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
