his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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