even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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