Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
if only i could text you this smell
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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