i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize