I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
