She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
