The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
