I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
