are you still at the devil's house?
I got chris browned last night
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
