I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Randomize