I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
