Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
