When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
