It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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