i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
