we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Randomize
