Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
