So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
