New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Randomize
