he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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