I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
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