I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
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Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
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You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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