You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
