i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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