We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
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he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Watching her eat just hurts me
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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