Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
