i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
