Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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