Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
