I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
