I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
