yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
