If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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