Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
