Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
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Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
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I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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