I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
