Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
