I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
