He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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