please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
