We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Randomize
