I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
