so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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