Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
