i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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