Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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