I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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