I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize