Betty ford says i'm here all night
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
