yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
