He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
