After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
