There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
