I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
