I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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