the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
