He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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